Your Mentoring Style
Mentoring In The Bible
In mentoring, understanding yourself is the key to healthy relationships. Understanding your strengths and weaknesses will help you better care for everyone in your life. Examining the mentors in Scripture gives us insight into our own personality and relationship style.
We can learn from the strengths and weaknesses of the many mentoring pairs in the Bible. As you read, you may see a little of yourself in each description. Find yourself in these examples—Moses and Joshua, Ruth and Naomi, Esther and Mordecai, Elijah and Elisha, Mary and Elizabeth, and Paul and Timothy—and learn from their examples so you can better serve the Kingdom of God.
Moses and Joshua
Moses represents the leadership mentor. Appointed by God to deliver the Hebrew people from Egyptian captivity, Moses recognized he was leading a reclaimed nation. Joshua was appointed as his assistant. Moses mentored Joshua to succeed him. Among many other things, Moses taught Joshua the importance of intimacy with the Lord. Moses patterned intimacy with God in his lifestyle, and he invited Joshua to enter God’s holy presence as well.
“Inside the Tent of Meeting, the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend. Afterward Moses would return to the camp, but the young man who assisted him, Joshua, son of Nun, would remain behind in the Tent of Meeting” (Exodus 33:11 NLT).
Joshua didn’t stay with Moses. He remained with the Lord.
The relationship between the mentor and the mentee is secondary. Your relationship with God—and your mentee’s relationship with God—are primary and most important.
Out of your intimate relationship with Jesus, direct your friends toward an intimate relationship with Jesus.
Naomi and Ruth
Naomi represents the reluctant mentor. We find her story in the book of Ruth. Throughout the narrative, we see a change in Naomi. She embraces Ruth, transitioning into a teacher of her culture and society. Through Ruth’s son, the line of David is formed, and through David’s line comes Jesus the Messiah. Now that is a happy ending to a story that began tragically. There was no guarantee their story would end this way. But they traveled it together anyway. Life was better for both of them because they were not alone.
Notice that Ruth, the younger, had to plead with Naomi to accept her. Like Ruth, younger generations want to be pursued. They want to be accepted, loved, and invited by you.
So…are you willing to be someone’s Naomi?
Mordecai and Esther
Mordecai represents the daring mentor. He took great risks for both himself and Esther to get her to a place of powerful influence. Their story is found in the book of Esther.
The danger here is risk for the sake of risk. This was not the case for Mordecai, but our society has bred some intense adrenaline junkies. We encourage risky behavior only when it grows the individual and, in turn, God’s Kingdom. We need to recognize when it is time to be brave and when to play it safe. I once encouraged a young woman to venture to Africa on a mission trip, while others I have challenged to examine their motivation. Is the risk an answer to God’s call, as with Esther, or is it something else? Is it an escape, or an ego booster? If yes, then it needs to be avoided.
Mordecai’s wisdom helped Esther survive in a foreign culture. You can do the same.
Elijah And Elisha
Elijah was the bold mentor. When Elijah brought Elisha on as an apprentice, he did not mince words. Elijah spoke, and he expected Elisha to respond.
The bold mentor works well with those who have strong personalities. Bold people do not mince words; they say what they mean and can overpower others. They know God can accomplish anything, so they advise others to just follow Him. Boldness combined with legalism is deadly. These individuals can kill the spirit of others. If you have a bold personality, you must recognize when gentleness is required. Of course, you stand on truth, but truth must be delivered with grace. Remember—your goal is to build a relationship, not crush it.
Have the boldness of Elijah, but don’t forget compassion and grace in your relationship.
Elizabeth and Mary
Elizabeth represents the encouraging mentor. Oh, what she must have done for Mary’s spirit when she greeted her with joy! Luke 1:41-42 “When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. In a loud voice, she exclaimed: ‘Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear’” (Luke 1:41-42 NLT)!
I wonder how often Mary thought back to this day, with fond memories, I expect. It must have built her faith and allowed her to trust God in times of doubt or fear. Did she hear Elizabeth’s voice when she was having a baby in a stable? Did she rely on it when she escaped to Egypt? Did she remember it when she saw her son rejected, beaten, and murdered? I believe she did. Mary had to be a woman of great strength and faith—a foundation Elizabeth helped lay.
Encouraging can be tricky. An encourager can fail if they miss the opportunity to correct. If you only extend excessive grace, you allow your mentee to stay in sin, enabling them. It is such a fine balance! Do not encourage for the sake of encouragement, but to build the other up to follow God’s will.
Barnabas—Son of Encouragement
Barnabas means “son of encouragement,” but he was also an initiator. Barnabas approached Saul and invited Him into fellowship with the disciples in Jerusalem (Acts 9:27). He showed Saul hospitality, and Saul grew in faith and knowledge during this time. Later, Barnabas invited Saul to go with him to Antioch (Acts 11:25), where they taught together for a year. Look at the power of this initiated relationship. Barnabas befriended Saul when no one else would. Saul, whose name eventually changed to Paul, went on to write a good portion of the New Testament.
The problem with initiators is that they often fail to follow through. They can start a relationship, but it can become inconsistent. Trust is not given until it is earned. Consistent behavior and committed patterns will win them over.
Paul and Timothy
Paul (formerly Saul) represents the teacher-mentor. He spent a great deal of time teaching Timothy the Scriptures. Paul saw Timothy’s potential and built on the foundation that was there. I love the encouragement he shared that has stimulated maturity in the young throughout history—“Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12
As a teacher mentor, we must measure our words and not dominate the conversation. Mentees need time to process what is in their heads. Be a safe place for them to process by actively listening to them.
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