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Friday, 12 August 2022 20:51

Ask This Mom – Is it ok to leave the church I grew up in?

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On a steamy July evening, we sat on the porch reflecting on her faith journey. She had spent the last ten weeks away from home for the first time. At twenty-one, she tasted independent living, although she entered it with anxiety and she’s now leaving with a newfound confidence.

“I’m thinking of looking for a new church home, is that ok?”

Certainly, that is ok.

The question to answer is why?

This was the church she grew up in, her family still attends there. She, however, no longer felt like part of that community.

You may relate with her concern but feel conflicted over this move. Especially if you experienced a healthy church life as a child, you may struggle with feeling disloyal. Your loyalty lies with Jesus first and your church family second. Pray and ask Him to show you whether you need to stay or go.

The church or Ekklesia, is the gathering of people who share in their belief of Jesus Christ. This group of people are meant to be family, sharing in worship, serving one another, and building the Kingdom of God. It is to be a place where the participants learn and grow to be more like Jesus.

Every church is flawed with imperfections of one kind or another. This is part of the human condition, so if you are leaving to find the perfect church, you aren’t going to find it. But leaving your childhood church, to see what else is out there, may help your faith move to the next level. As young adults, especially Gen Zers, you are looking for autonomy, for a place in which you will be treated as an adult.

Here are questions to ask yourself as you explore new congregations:

  • Can you authentically serve in your current church?
  • Does this church draw you closer to Jesus? Do you reflect Jesus to others because of attending there?
  • Are you building community or see the potential to build community – especially an intergenerational community?
  • Are you recognized as an adult, ready to commit to this community?

We are to avoid cherry picking, taking what we need, to meet our own needs. We need the love and support of other people to continue to pursue Jesus. True, as a young adult, you are going through a lot of changes, but you are also setting habits that will last a lifetime. As it says in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, we are to “encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” We each need a place to learn to live vulnerably in community.

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