Devotionals (60)

Ask this Mom is a monthly post directed to younger adults to answer their spiritual questions. Although it addresses their concerns it is also a resource for older adults to help understand and in turn mentor this up-and-coming generation.

How do I find inner peace?

Inundated with information of crisis after crisis, it is easy to become overwhelmed with thoughts about the future. Driven by passions to improve the world around us, we strive to impact our community, but the bad feels like it overcomes the good. I heard a social worker state that as a society “we are still in survival mode.” Our fight or flight reaction is easily triggered after prolonged exposure to multiple stresses.

God’s peace transcends this life, it anchors our security in His salvation not in earth’s unpredictable events. So, how do we get from stressing over the world to a place of peace? Practice, patience, and perseverance.

There is no shame in feeling anxious. I have worked with individuals who are anxious about being anxious. This then gives room for shame, and they hide their feelings from others and themselves. This allows their hidden feelings to fester and grow. Get it out in the open! I love that Gen Z and Millennials are more likely than other generations to talk about their mental health with the goal to become healthier. This is a great first step.

Accepting we cannot control others or outcomes of our life, produces peace. We can do our best to move forward toward our goals but sometimes life gets in the way. Remember Jesus gives us peace. He gifted it to us before He left this earth. Slowly read John 14:27

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. “(NLT)

This peace Jesus extends produces a security in us that is difficult to explain. It allows us to step out of our circumstances and into greater security. We know we have access to this gift but unwrapping and using that present can feel impossible. We just don’t know where to begin to peel back the tape and open the box. Here are a few ideas when you feel stuck:

  1. When you recognize the signs of unrest, investigate the source of your lack of peace. Is it a real danger or triggered fear? Take a deep breath and examine the “why” of your feelings. Does my unrest change or save me in this situation?
  1. If unrest comes from a situation out of your control, stop and refocus on the wonder around you. Use your senses to recognize the beauty you experience. Take a moment to see, hear, touch, smell, and taste items in your environment. Now take this grounding tool one step further by expressing gratitude to God for those things. If you have time, write it down and celebrate your gratitude to God. (Read more about this in the article Beauty Hunting)
  1. Peace is a Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). If you want to produce the fruit you nurture it. Like any fruit-bearing plant, time is part of the process of growth. We nurture peace in our life by slowing down, sitting in silence before God. Breathing in and out in a slow manner, brings us to stillness we seek in God. We feed and water peace through the study of Scripture and prayer.

By seeking Jesus and the peace that comes from Him, we are restored. If you have difficulty doing that on your own, seek help from a mentor, pastor, or professional counselor to find your way to well-being. It is not that we shouldn’t feel turmoil, it is recognizing we don’t have to live that way.

Sunday, 30 April 2023 11:53

Balance Part 5: Let Them Fail

My phone buzzed with another late-night text. What would be today’s concern? Was it good news or bad news; hard to tell without looking but at this hour, how could it be good?

Reporting the current calamity to my husband, I prepare for the rescue. He looks with kind concern and reminds me that I am our children’s sounding board not a superhero. They are looking for someone to listen to them, it is no longer my job to fix it. With a sigh, I agree. I’d like to say I move on but their situation, often not as bad as my mind makes it, continues to play out in my head.

This scenario plays out in many homes across the country. Our adult children and elderly parents are only a text away. Tethered to us through technology, we get more information than we need.

Disappointment, failure, and rejection may send them to you for encouragement. When this happens, I want to solve it for them. I don’t want my dear one to be hurt in any way. However, these trials also develop character and test integrity. In a microwave society, sometimes we need to let the ones we love marinate in their current life circumstance. God is working on them, pray for the Holy Spirit to work on them without interference.

Even when living with us, our adult relatives need autonomy to make their own decisions, even bad ones. When we interfere or ignore their boundaries we will offend and injure the relationship.

Learn to accept your loved one for who they are now. In an environment of unconditional love, you will continue to build your relationship with them. Grab the good moments when you can and treasure them as a beautiful gift.

My heart breaks for those of you who watch your loved one wrestle with destructive behavior. This fight starts on our knees until they are worn out and it feels like not one more tear can be shed. Even then, we continue to cry out for the deliverance of that child of God. I’m so sorry. I pray that your prodigal finds their way home to your waiting arms.

Growth in trust and faith is a product of times on our knees. In a sandwich generation, between adult children and elderly parents, it is imperative to remember they are out of our control. Yes, there are times when we need to step in, but often, we do so too soon and without permission.

Remember Jesus loves them more than we do. How can that be true? I just know that God so loved that He gave His only Son to die for us so we could live (John 3:16). He is not asking us to do the same in return. May God protect all our wayward family members as they figure out this dance we call adulthood.

Dear Jesus – I trust you with my loved ones. It can be so hard to let them go. Thank You for loving them and watching over them. I ask that You draw them close to You and that they would see You. Help me to accept them for who they are and love them unconditionally just as You do. In Your Name I pray, AMEN

Forgiveness is a lifestyle. It just isn’t a thing we study or read about; it is the way we are to live.

As we continue to work toward balance in 2023, (Five Habits of a Balanced Life) we need to recognize the importance of forgiveness. Forgiving others is a common theme in our pursuit of Christlikeness, but do we live it? I find myself rushing through familiar Scripture without giving it much thought. I know these verses about forgiveness but how are they intertwined in my daily life.

Driving to the grocery store the other day, I found myself behind a garbage truck. The truck slowed and pulled to the side but not completely off the road. I stopped behind them as I couldn’t judge the speed of the oncoming traffic. The pickup behind me honked and I could feel their impatience. My overly cautious hesitation annoyed them. As I continued to drive, I found my thoughts drifting to the correction that the pickup truck driver obviously needed. Maybe I would follow them and give them a piece of my mind.

Then the words from my morning reading drifted into my mind.  Mercy must overcome bitterness. Wow, how quickly my mind went to judgement instead of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a lifestyle and who knows why that driver impatiently honked. I forgave them and prayed that the Lord would be with them.

Forgiveness is an act of our will. We choose to forgive every time the incident comes to mind, we declare that forgiveness again. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a choice, but it certainly wraps itself in emotions. Surrendering those feelings every time the offense comes to mind eventually brings us to a place of peace.

Forgiveness is God’s will and an act of my will. The more I know Jesus, the easier I can forgive, but it takes practice and intentionality. Jesus taught us to

  • Forgive those who sin against us.
  • Forgive so we will be forgiven.
  • Forgive seventy times seven.
  • Forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against.
  • Forgive others and you will be forgiven.

Forgiveness does not excuse the actions of others; it releases the judgement and leaves the justice to God. I know it is not easy, but forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a decision. We choose it and it brings freedom. Luke 6:37 says “Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven;”

As we enter into holy week, let us dwell on Jesus words on the cross.

“Then Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing. ‘” (Luke 23:34).

Each of us chooses to live as He modeled and directed - a life of forgiveness.

Friday, 17 March 2023 13:44

Ask This Mom - Where do I fit?

Ask this Mom is a monthly post directed to younger adults to answer their spiritual questions. Although it addresses their concerns it is also a resource for older adults to help understand and in turn mentor this up-and-coming generation.

As I was bustling down the hallway, on a busy Sunday morning, she strolled by me. The young woman who had been on my mind for the last week was right in front of me. Calling her by name, I asked if she was interested in meeting with me. Without a moment’s hesitation she agreed to come to my office later in the week.

On Wednesday morning, she sat on the other side of my office, twisting a napkin in her hands. Nervous ,but also she seemed excited to update me on her life. She talked about the older people, people my age, in our congregation who encouraged her on a regular basis. This had made our church her home.

Staring at her lap, she then said, “but I don’t feel our church makes a space for other people my age.”

Together we investigated some possible solutions to her dilemma. How can we make our church a welcome place for your generation, Gen Z, who wrestles with anxiety and aspirations?

Gen Z is coming of age in a time of uncertainty. They are a highly talented group of young adults who recognize they possess little control over much of what happens in the world.

That must feel frustrating, but our generations can find the balance together.

Part of life’s journey is to draw you closer to where you belong. The church should be a safe place for you to explore your ideas and share your feelings. A place where correction draws you closer to God; not stifles your spiritual curiosity. You want to belong to God’s people, but how do you find the place for you?

Here are some strategies that might work for you.

  1. Like the young woman in my office, look for a place that sees you. Ask your friends for places that they feel welcomed, heard, and supported.
  2. Do you know someone who lives the Gospel in their day-to-day life? Find out where they attend and follow them there.
  3. I know it is difficult but seek out an older person you admire to mentor you. This is going against your generation’s norm, but you can do it. I’m giving you permission to ask.

To you who are the older generations, are you making a space for young people?

This quote from Fuller Youth Institute caught my attention:

“I’m tired of the church answering questions I’m not asking.” – anonymous Gen Zer

To answer the right questions, we need to know this generation. Not just understanding statistics but face to face relationships that edify both of us. They want to know you, but they are waiting for you to make the first move. It all starts with a hello, remembering their name, and inviting them in.

One young woman said it this way, “I want a safe place where I can ask the hard questions.”

If we are answering the wrong questions, we will lose our relevancy. Honor the Gospel and make a space for them to continue to deepen their discipleship in Jesus Christ. 

A ministry can be built that is a ministry run by young people for young people. Partnering with older mentors, it will become a place where they can investigate the beauty of the Gospel and passionately serve the people around them.

This will be healthy and productive for both generations.

Tuesday, 28 February 2023 16:18

Balance Part 3:March into Thanksgiving

March is a messy month in my home state. Breezes blow with the promise of spring, but they still have a bit of bite to them. The melting frostline prepares the soil but the transition creates mushy, muddy ground. The hope of spring dances on the edge of the world around me but we can’t quite grasp it.

As we grapple with this change of seasons, it may be tempting to grumble and complain, but Scripture warns us against it.  Philippians 2:14 (NIV) “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.’” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky  I want to embrace it like a kid, and gleefully make mudpies instead of frowning at the gloom.

In January we examined Five Habits to Bring Balance to Your Life. This month we look at habit number two: gratitude. Thanksgiving happens all year long, not just in November. Ephesians 5:20 instructs us to live by “giving thanks to God the Father at all times and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

What does a thankful heart look like on a normal or mundane day? How do we live the abundant life when we have to clean the bathroom or pay the bills? This of course is not a new idea. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reminds us “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” Some days it is easier to be thankful than others. It is one thing to clean a bathroom as part of your routine, it is quite another when you are disinfecting after an illness. Yet, Scripture reminds us we are to be thankful in all circumstances.

A simple action we can implement is to start a gratitude journal. If you don’t like journaling, try tacking sticky notes in a place you will see them. Jot down both the simple and profound things that bring you a sense of gratitude. Find a way to let God know you see Him, and you will be reminded His goodness as well. What am I thankful for everyday?

  1. I’m alive.
  2. I know Jesus.
  3. Jesus loves me.
  4. Jesus is teaching me.
  5. He doesn’t leave me.
  6. His mercies are new every morning.

What can you add to that list? Gratitude leads us to our source of life, both our physically and spiritually. It shifts our focus from the provision to the provider.

Taking it one step further, look at the areas of your life that cause anxiety. Take a moment to write out a worry and then turn it into a gratitude statement.

For example: How am I going to make my budget work this week? Thank you, Lord, you help me find items on sale.

I asked these questions in January:

In your current daily routine, what could produce gratitude? Hunt for all the goodness present, you may be surprised at how much you find.

Life may not be as you wished it would be, but what can you find to appreciate in each day?

I’d love to hear your answers.

I’m starting to hear this question a lot. Interlaced with this desire comes a great deal of pain and loneliness. Here is the common litany of statements I’ve gathered.

I still love Jesus.

I’m exhausted by all I’ve been through in recent years.

I’ve lost hope due to all the chaos in this world.

I don’t trust the church.

My friends have turned their back on God and encourage me to do the same.

I believe God is real, but I don’t know how to find my way back to Him.

Looking at our young adult generations, Gen Z and Millennials, they both struggle in this area but look for fulfillment in different ways. Young millennials, now in their mid to late twenties, desire authentic, meaningful connections. They want to impact their world positively and powerfully for the better. In contrast, Gen Z desires financial stability and security. They are passionate about normalizing mental health. Both struggle with loneliness, isolation, and anxiety.

If this description fits you, I’m here to invite you in. You are welcome here.

  • I ask your forgiveness for any way the church has let you down. Many of you see us as hypocrites and at least for me you are correct. I make mistakes, missing opportunities to react and love like Jesus. So please forgive me.
  • This world is full of disappointment, and it is not the source of hope. Evil has encroached in all sorts of horrifying ways and it makes us feel powerless. But our hope is not in the world, it is in Jesus. Even if your hope has been whittled to the tiniest fragment, nurture it.
  • You are not alone. I pray you can find a mentor to walk you through this journey back to God but if not in person, know you can lean on me. I’m extending the invitation; I hope you receive it that way. Reach out in email or on social media. This is not just a hobby for me, I am all in and ready to partner with you. I know of other women who feel the same. We need to find ways to bridge the disconnect and build safe relationships.
  • Pray Mark 9:24b “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” as often as it comes to mind. It is beautiful to me that the Holy Spirit inspired Mark to write this down for us. It is okay to doubt but you don’t have to stay there.
  • Find people that are like-minded. Spend time with authentic people who allow you to explore this relationship. Take time to develop safe relationships that will allow you to grow.
  • When you are ready, return to church. We miss you.

No matter what know this: YOU ARE LOVED. God’s love is unconditional, extended to you with an ever-present invitation.

Friday, 03 February 2023 13:39

Balance Part 2: Feed Myself

The American mindset cripples us. Although living in the USA is a privilege, the breakneck speed at which we live is dangerous. Striving for the American Dream drives us and that is not fun. There is always something on our to-do lists. Our days off become crammed with appointments, errands, and home upkeep. We wear ourselves out trying to do it all. This – whatever this is – is distracting us from God. We already know we aren’t what we do yet what we do seems to propel us through life. In empty homes, that feeling of abandonment cannot be filled by a full calendar.

Life is a balancing act. Each morning I check my calendar, and my mind clutters with all I need to do. It never seems to end; I can’t possibly take time to rest or recreate. During the smallest break, pressure pushes in. Groceries, laundry, work, appointments, relationships, oh and ministry the list continues to crowd in eating up my time. If I sit down, I will be behind. Sigh, God will understand, He will wait, maybe tomorrow I will have time, but tomorrow plays out like today.

If your life is anything like mine, it can be frenetic. We go, go, go, running from one activity to the next, leaving us little chance to catch our breath. Of course, there are times when we can’t help it. The question is do we allow this fast-paced world to crowd out our times of rest? Not only recreational rest but Sabbath rest. Ah, just writing the word brings peace to the deepest part of me but also angst because it is so hard to take the time. But that’s exactly what we need to do – capture the time to replenish our souls.

I have the hardest time sitting still to have “quiet time”. My quiet time is often not silent at all. Wrestling with the “right way” to sit with Jesus wastes a great deal of my time. However, finding ways to still my over active mind so that I can fully engage with my Creator is a necessary part of my spiritual walk. I want to know God, so I must slow down and spend time with Him.
Let’s look at our calendar and schedule small daily times to restore our souls.

Where can we say no?
What is nonnegotiable?
Where can we invite God in order to spend time with Him all day long?
Does this practice need to shift from a task to relationship building with God?
Reevaluate our time with God. What needs adjusting?

Now let’s look at our weekly schedule. Do you have a Sabbath day? Not a follow the rules day but a day to replenish our soul. Doesn’t that sound inviting? Ask God what that should look like for you.

Heavenly Father, I’m in awe of who you are and your creative power. I ask that you teach me to rest and recreate in you. Replenish in me what is lost. Revitalize me for your purposes. In Jesus Name, Amen


How do I navigate differences in life opinions with my parents?

This question comes up often with a mixed bag of emotions. Some are sad and others are angry, but the underlying motivator is the chasm they now feel with their parents. As we move into adulthood, we start to see flaws or perceived flaws in the people we love, as we are all imperfect. Here are steps to build stronger relationships.

Looking for common ground helps this process. Before spending time with your family ask yourself these questions: How have I changed in my faith? How have my parents changed? Where do we have common ground?

Work through the following steps:

  • Pray before you go. Ask for wisdom and peace.
  • Jesus commands us to love, even love our enemies. (Luke 6:27-28) How can you show your parents love without compromising your beliefs?
  • Be your authentic self without antagonizing your parents. Avoid controversial subjects but also respectfully stay true to yourself. Ask them if you can agree to disagree and move on. Remember you don’t have to prove yourself right or prove them wrong. Trust the Holy Spirit to direct their steps.
  • Listen to them, recognize they are passionate about the world around them. Try to patiently allow them to express themselves. Being heard is powerful. James 1:19 Reminds us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Listening does not necessarily mean you agree.
  • If you feel the need to challenge something they say, do so by asking questions. This is the way of the Rabbi, Jesus asked questions all the time. Watch your tone as you ask, leave sarcasm out of your conversation.

Why is this important to you?

Where did you learn this?

Why do you think that is true.

You might be surprised by what you learn as you respectfully listen. You certainly will see where their thoughts diverge from yours, but you may also see beauty and wisdom in there as well.

  • Reassure your parents that you do love them no matter what they say or do. Just between you and me, you may not like them but you don’t have to communicate that to them. Scripture tells us to honor our parents, you can do this even when you disagree through love and respect.

We are complex, emotional beings, and establishing an adult relationship with your parents may be difficult. Assuming the center of your lives revolve around Jesus, use this as your unifier.  Opinions are based on views or judgements, sometimes the facts get skewed as we work through them. As we grow, we work to gain knowledge, understanding grows from the application of the knowledge, and finally we apply it with wisdom. No matter how your parents respond, live this life exploring the richness of faith.

Balance. It’s a simple concept to understand but difficult to achieve. We see it, but often get thrown off by unexpected circumstances, leading us to wobble, figuratively flailing our arms in the air, in hopes to right ourselves before we fall.

The holidays seem to produce two different scenarios for my readers. Two women, similar in age, but different demands. One caring for aging parents and adult children who still require her help; the other her parents have passed on, and her children are living busy lives with little time for her.

“I don’t want to disappoint anyone or put pressure on them.”

This seems to be the mantra of my generation. Repeated by women warn weary by caring for loved ones, it nags them as they navigate through their day. While others pine for the days when their children needed them.

“I set boundaries but when they are questioned, I feel guilty.”


“They put up boundaries for me, but it is ok to cross them now and again. Right?”

We want firm boundaries, but we see the need for grace on these limitations. Often it is a balancing act whose pressure may cause us to teeter and fall.

As we start the new year, what can we put in place that will bring balance to this new territory? Let’s develop a plan that fits our own person, with needs, desires, and individual paths. Here are five ideas to get you started. 

1. Feed myself
Self-care, often thought of as a passing buzzword, is a Biblical principle. Building an intimate relationship with God is the cornerstone of this principle. Caring for our spiritual life requires us to care for our physical and emotional self as well. Look at this beautiful promise from Jesus in Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”
Start with the following questions, take the time to write down your answer, you may be surprised at what you discover:
Jesus, what do you want me to know today?
What do I need today?
What does time for me look like?
Three simple questions that may take a day, a week, or even months to answer. When our focus rests on others we may miss our own needs. Develop a pattern of listening to the Holy Spirit and your own thoughts.
There are so many other ways to tend our spiritual selves, this is the start to becoming more aware of ourselves. This is not easy, which is why following Christ is a lifelong pursuit.
2. Gratitude
In your current daily routine, what could produce gratitude? Life may not be as you wished it would be, but what do you appreciate in each day? Thanksgiving changes our hearts and minds, turning our self-talk to the goodness and faithfulness of God. Paul reminds us of this in Ephesians 5:20 as he instructs us to live by “giving thanks to God the Father at all times and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Make thankfulness a habit.
3. Forgive
Do this over and over and over again.
Forgiveness does not excuse the actions of others; it releases the judgement and leaves the justice to God. I know it is not easy, but forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a decision. You choose it and it brings freedom. Luke 6:37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven;”
4. Let them fail.
We do not need to fix our family members’ poor decisions or actions. When anyone comes to you with distress or concerns, ask a simple question:
“Are you venting or asking for advice?”
Many times, our loved ones simply need a sounding board, a place to process their concerns. Even when giving advice, it is up to them to choose to follow it. We fret over a situation that doesn’t belong to us, pray over it, let it go and let them figure it out. Psalm 37:24 reminds us “Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.”
5. Lay down expectations.
Just because we’ve done life a certain way doesn’t mean we have to continue to do it that way. Especially when dealing with other people and our traditions together, it simply is not possible. There is nothing wrong with expressing your desires for shared life events but maybe it is time for new traditions that don’t always include them or look different.
Often, without thinking about it, we develop ideas of how life should be. James warns us of this in James 4:14 “How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.”
Live in the moment.

No matter where you find yourself in the process of balancing all life has thrown your way, know you are not alone. God goes before, with and after you plus you have a community of women here who understand the struggle of balance. Many of these thoughts came from discussions with dragonfly women after answering question; “What are you struggling with the most right now?”
I’d love to hear the step that most resonates with you. Send me an email or pop over to my social media and let me know how this brings balance to your life.

Sunday, 04 December 2022 00:35

Mary wasn't alone

Mary had great faith but she was just a kid. Maybe as a teenager her naivety protected her from full understanding of what she would endure.

Luke 1:48-49 (NLT) “For he took notice of his lowly servant girl, and from now on all generations will call me blessed. For the Mighty One is holy, and he has done great things for me.”

She believed the angel. Then God provided evidence to continue to build her faith.

Mary was highly favored. Luke 1: 28 (NLT) “Gabriel appeared to her and said, “Greetings, favored woman! The Lord is with you!”

Gabriel spoke these words over Mary before it all began. Yet, look at her life from a historical point of view. Mary was the only one who knew Jesus from conception all the way to Pentecost. Mary was at His birth, childhood, and first miracle. She witnessed His ministry, crucifixion, resurrection, and was present in the upper room when the Holy Spirit empowered His followers. Reread that. Can you fathom the honor of her position? She sacrificed much but she witnessed the greatest events in history.

Not only was she visited by an angel, God prepared others to support her too. Older and wiser people walked along side her as she stepped into the position of mother of Jesus.It is another example of the importance of intergenerational relationships that empower each of us to live out our part of God's story.

Joseph – Her husband-to-be knew exactly what was happening. He loved God and loved her through it. (Matthew 1:20-24)

Elizabeth – Her cousin was empowered by the Holy Spirit to know the child Mary was carrying before Mary spoke a word. (Luke 1:41) Elizabeth, pregnant before Mary, it is believed that Mary stayed with her as little John came into the world. Her visit equipped her in her own motherhood journey.  

Simeon – The Holy Spirit guided him to the temple to meet Mary, Joseph, and Jesus as they came to present the baby to the Lord. He spoke words that confirmed Jesus was the Messiah. (Luke 2:25-35)

Anna – This prophet recognized Jesus immediately. She praised God and was filled with joy when she saw the family in the temple. (Luke 2:36-40)

Who in your life is there to support you and who are you called to support?

Mary remembered God’s promises and provision. Luke 2:19 (NLT) “but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often.” When times became confusing, she remembered God’s promise. This boy, her son, was the Messiah. God’s promised deliverer. His life purpose would come to pass.

She faced hopeless and helpless situations according to the world’s standards, but God saw it differently. She trusted God, although an ordinary woman, God did extraordinary things through her.  

Victor in Christ, faithful to belong, noble in character and ready now to follow His lead we will go forward into a new year.

Merry Christmas!

Page 1 of 5