Grab God's Hand
Fearless in 2016 series
Raise your hand if you love your yearly mammogram.
No? Me either. Yes, this blog post is about breast exams. TMI? I don’t think so because it addresses another fear. CANCER. Well, not really cancer but the death and suffering that it has potential to cause.
As in the past, I get the call. “You need to come in for a second mammogram.”
Ya, ya, happens every time.
Then the voice said “You will also need an ultrasound, only on the left side.”
Ultrasound? That hasn’t happened before. Just on one side? Usually it is both. Stupid dense breast tissue. Fear whispered “This is bad.”
A week later, a letter arrives in the mail. “You have dense breast tissue. Dense tissue is more likely to develop cancer.” My heart skipped a beat. Fear whispered louder.
The exam consisted of a 3-D mammogram and then the ultrasound. As I lie on the table, my view of the screen is unhindered. My thoughts were jumbled.
“That doesn’t look good. What is that black blob? What does cancer look like? Does it look like that? I’ve seen normal tissue and that is not normal.” Fear was louder now.
Left in the room alone, I waited for the radiologist. I prayed “What is this Jesus?”
“You’re fine.” He answered
“Fine, fine or you’ll walk through this with me as I battle cancer – fine?”
“I’m here you are fine.” He said.
I wasn’t clear what that meant but the Isaiah 41:13 repeated through my thoughts:
13 For I hold you by your right hand—
I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you,
‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.
Time crawled by. But I wasn’t alone. Fear and peace battled one another. But I was not alone.
Finally, he Radiologist appeared. Those black blobs are benign cysts. Nothing to worry about. I am fine.
Relief swept over me but also a deep gratitude. Gratitude for a renewed knowledge that no matter what, I am not alone. Neither are you my friend, neither are you.