No Nose or the Nose Knows
Family Connection: Parenting Your Adult Child
As a kid, I wasn’t allowed to have pierced ears.
“If you are going to put holes in your ears, you might as well pierce your nose.”
My Dad’s statement makes me chuckle, as that is not a threat anymore. My eighteen year old asked me this the other day.
“Mom can I pierce my nose?”
“What kind of earring”
“A stud or maybe a ring”
It was obvious to me that she was asking about a fashion choice not a rebellious act.
“You are an adult now, that choice is yours. Just promise you will keep the boogers out of it.”
She wasn’t sure how to take my response. This was not a make or break decision in her life. I know she has the tools to handle it. Therefore, I left it to her.
Transitioning from adolescence to adulthood isn’t easy for the child or the parent. Family is our most intimate community. If we fight to control our children we will lose them. We need to coach them through these years and trust God for the results.
When our child asks for our opinion, we need to look at their heart not their outward appearance.
- Pray: Ask God to reveal their motivation? We need to ask “why is my child choosing this direction?”
- Encourage good choices but don’t dictate them. The tighter we hold on the more they will want to squeeze through the cracks. Express your opinion once and then pray for them.
- Dismiss thoughts concerning other’s judgments.Do not correct a behavior because it might make you look bad. Correction is always about what is best for your child and their relationship with Jesus. It is not about me.
- Remember they are God’s child first. You are His stewards. Trust God.
My husband and I are two-thirds of the way to an empty nest. Parenting never ends but it does change. Letting them fly and make their own choices allows them to be the independent adults God intended them to become.